New sad poem (in Croatian) / translation below

Like a ghost I'm floating over the mountains, 

Day and night without ceasing. 

My soul has already left for days, 

Since that last meeting. 

I see happy people under the sky, 

From head to toe fully smiling. 

Well that's the feeling which I need too 

However, my heart huts and wants to defend it. 

Friends I have to leave this world,

My life has reached an end. 

In vain I've been flying the wrong flight 

Until I turned into the terrestrial paradise.

This would be the translation to that poem above. It is something but well that's the current mood of my muse. I just go with the flow.. AND there is something I just have to clarify..

• I write not because it gives me comfort
• I write because I cannot do it different
• I write because I have to, it's my gift which I began to own
• I write because this is my destiny
• I write because I have something to say
• When I write people listen to me
• When they read the poems, I have their attention
• I write because this is how I can communicate

Otherwise I'm usually just ignored, .. when I want to ask something they usually say "Wait a second I'm talking to someone" usually to a person next to me.. so I wait and they forget that I wanted to talk to them.. AM I not IMPORTANT to stop the current conversation or to end it?? No.. Sandra can wait, she's not that important to be listened to. That's how I feel and it makes me really sad! However, I'll get a life, this is not worth!

Or, it can also be the other way round. People don't talk to me as they don't know what to talk to me. Can you imagine? This is sad because if they only knew me well they would think different.

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm about to explode...!!! I will take a walk. It's so nice outside. No sigh of the real autumn yet.

This post doesn't sound positive.. yes I am poetry girl and I must pay attention to what I'm writing here but I'm also a human who has feelings!

She Can't Replace Me ⎜POEM

Hello everyone!

Weekend is here! Hopefully the good vibes will stay.

Here is a poem from 2010 but I put it on one of my latest photos from my China trip. I chose this photo as it somehow to me it seems to fit .. for this particular poem. This definitely not an easy topic to discuss or to think about .. "what if" or "one day..." I don't know if I were put in such a situation... but the feelings for this poem came and I had to write it down. The outcome hopefully gives families a bit of hope. Sometimes changes are good! No matter how painful some may be, we should always look at it.. as a new lesson!

BUT this is of course easy to say but not easy to put it into practice. Other times changes are devastating, really hard to accept so a situation. It has a lot to do with the person and their attitude.

If they are open to changes then things will definitely go better, rather than seeing it negative.

Hope this post makes somehow sense, but more importantly enjoy my poem! :)

My photo book from China

Hello everyone!!

It's a rainy and cold day... perfect to do something inside, reading a book or writing. I chose to finish this photo book I intended to do three months ago, but I haven't had the chance until NOW.

Here is the cover photo! One side "The Great Wall" and on the right (front side) a photo of a coal plant. No, it's not one of those nuclear plants.
My first thought was "Fukushima" when I saw this coal plant but I was assured that it's not. Most of them are coal or electricity plants. It was a little scary when this was the first thing you saw in China in the city :O

Though after some time you just get used to it.

My first day I spent in the Forbidden City of Peking (Beijing). It was a whole day trip right after my arrival at the airport. This was not my destination where I had my hotel but as I was there why not immediately go downtown and see some sightseeings? :)

Did you know that the film "Karate Kid" was filmed here in that city? Pretty cool? I saw that later on TV in China in my hotel room. I was like "hey I was there too!" =)

The first day was already a blast and that was just the beginning. It was a great experience and I am really thankful that went for it.

At the airport back to Europe, we took a break, had some ice cream and then when the gates opened up we could check in and after an hour or so we were finally inside the plane.
This was the view. Awwwhh!!! I didn't sit next to the window but I asked a woman who was sitting next to the window to take photos.


So there, I hope to give you a little inside to my trip. More of my photos you can see on my Facebook page or simply click HERE.

Thanks for reading!

Yellow, Black or Grey

This is a very special poem from my sweetheart :) Yes I'm happily taken ;) I love this poem and it's nice to write happy love poems for a change.

click to enlarge

Ah.. love poetry is definitely something special

They are surely different than those dark and depressing poems but it's like life, the ebb and flow of life! Take care my readers & friends! I hope to be back very soon!

Your,

Ready for a writing challenge?

Is it again this time of the year???

In a bit than a month the new writing madness can start and I am not even half ready for it. Last year I failed miserably but it was really a difficult time to combine writing my story and working and other chores that I had to do. I have not much optimism for this year....

I was more passionate about all the writing a few years back but this year I feel bleak about everything. It's very hard to keep the writing spirit up, even though I have something to say but do people want to hear it?

Life is changing rapidly, people are changing, responsibility and and and. There is not much time left to dream to be a writer. You have to face the brutal truth that not many will give a shit about what you do.  They all care more about their life, their duties, to keep their business going, this and that.

If I had a wish I'd definitely be somewhere else but this is not a dream world and there are certain things you just go to do.

I'll stop ranting because I really don't have anything smart or positive to say this weekend.

I'll try to find all the stories I wrote so far. I have to figure out if it is worth to invest time in finishing my last year novel or to write a new one. Every year I have to ask myself this question.

Nothing lasts forever

I found some old notebooks which I used a few years ago and I can barely read the notes again .. :O Not that it matters so much, for these kind of notes I don't mind but it makes me think... I have updated saved notes which I thought were important.. but what about other handwritten notes.. such as poetry??

In a few decades I'll barely be able to read my poems on paper!! This really makes me sad...

This is a natural process, even for writing.. but it will make me think for a while!

San Je Bratic Moje Smrti (Croatian Poem)

translation is below :))

It's not common for me to write in my own language because it was a lot more appealing to me to write in a language that wasn't my mother language.

Sleep is the cousin of death

Which slowly needs to die

And accompanies me in another life

To watch people from above.

Sleep is there to put me asleep

And not to wake me up anymore.

Like a corpse in its grave

But my soul is still breathing.

It lives still somewhere far away

Where you have never been

Because your time has not come yet

For the deathly force to call you.

Nov, 2011 by Sandra Stolnik

Some of you may come from one of the Balkan States, so this is why I'd like to share with you today a poem in Croatian language. This is one of those rare poems that I tried in another language because it felt like it was the right time to try something new.

Nib holder with 3 nibs

Hello!!! :)))

I went to the stationery shop today and I found this nib holder which had three nibs to change. Immediately I grabbed it because I have been looking for such a pen for months on ebay ... when I saw it there, I thought "at the right time, at the right place" :))

For some time I thought these nibs are difficult to use.. but on the contrary.. I was surprised to see how smooth I can write with it and I love that it writes a little "thick", if you know what I mean?

I have to practice a bit with this new nib because at some point it left me a stain on my paper but it wasn't a bit deal. I don't mind. It makes writing more fun.

I have friends who have never written anything with a fountain pen or with an ink and they are surprised when you tell them that you write with ink only. It's the feeling that you get when you move your pen. A biro cannot give you such moments of stillness. Ink doesn't last forever, I am aware of it but this doesn't mean I cannot write ink. I try to use qualitative ink, such as Parker Quink, to make the pages last a bit longer before they completely fade....

Here is my poem if you didn't get the chance to read it in my video on the top.

Thank you for reading! I know it has been a while.. I need a better time management with everything here... More soon! :)

I signed my book at my brother's school

Hi my friends,

A few weeks ago, my brother Dominik had his school feast at grade school and I attended it. I watched the performance the other kids prepared. He didn't but afterwards there was a tent outside with games, an jumping worm (you can see it a little bit behind me, it's red)

I enjoyed it there. I took many photos and will share it with my brother's friends. Suddenly I saw Dominik's teacher coming towards me. I thought she'd say something about me taking photos but she didn't. I wanted to introduce me but she already knew who I was. Then I saw she had my book in her hands :OO :) My mother gave her the copy I originally gave to my mom.  She said she read it and likes it very much and then she asked me if I could sign it. Of course.

Wow I was quite nervous and I think I made somewhere a little typo while writing my personal dedication to her. That took me a minute. I was totally unprepared but so nice wow!! I loved it! I hope she'll enjoy it even more!! THANK YOU!! That really made my day!

It's so nice that she knows that Dominik's sister is a poet haha :) I should have taken a photo with her but I think that would have been too much for her ( I don't know, I didn't have the guts to ask) :)

Someone else took that photo which you see on top. I asked a stranger and he agreed :)

That was just a nice experience and I look forward to many more!

Hope you enjoyed reading this update. It's been a while .. :)

The vernissage is over

Hi there!!

Sadly the event is already over... I knew that after a few days I'd miss all the stress I had with the preparations, though we were both relaxed and enjoyed all the things we had to do before the exhibition. It was just the "going back and forth, doing this and that" but this was fun. Our day was really busy and long but we both enjoyed helping each other.

I'd probably need a whole day to just recap this whole event, the good and bad altogether. It was a good practice for all of us, who were involved here, to present our work and just to have fun. We created a nice evening. The people who came really enjoyed it and had fun.

What was great to see that despite the good weather outside, people chose to come here to see what we had prepared. That was really nice.

This is the first time that I look back after the event to get together all my thoughts. I didn't have time for that. The day after, I was really "knocked out" ; "K.O." Preparations started weeks before, especially that last week before the "big day". We came to "ABZ Itzling" a couple of times during the day. We hung up the photos, we prepared my frame with my poems. We took some photos along the way, to sort of document our progress, each step so we can look back later and dwell in those memories.

You can see some photos on my Facebook page. "Click here" and you'll go directly to my page with the photos :)

There's even a video from that day. I recorded a bit of the scene with my iPhone. Unfortunately I cannot be seen so often as I have filmed myself and when it was my turn it had to turn off my phone and recite. There was unfortunately no one willing to take over the filming during my part... but I have an idea who to fix this... what's missing.
I might go to ABZ Itzling again and record the rooms where our photos are hung up and recite some poems. I'll edit the video later and post it on Facebook. It should be a recap sort of. More details on that later.

Thanks for reading.

Drifting On The Surface - POEM

Dark poetry is my favorite, sad and dark poetry ....

I thought to give you different sides of my poems. They range from happy poems to sad ones. This one is dark, in fact very dark! I found this photo on a friend's Facebook page and I got inspired by it. It was fascinating was she drowning or not? Inspiration hit me and I wrote this poem here.

I gave credit to that photo too as I don't know who the photographer was and it's not nice when you take something not to name the source. I hope it's fine to use it as background just for that blog post here.

I like this type of poetry, it's sad but it's life just like with happy stuff, there's also bad stuff. I'm sure I will write more .. some time!

Thanks for reading!

Last few days before the event

Hi there!!

Just a few more days left before the event. I'm slowly getting nervous as the days come closer. And... I feel really alone with all this and I just decided I will not ask for help. It's sad. I shouldn't say that, since everyone's reading this blog :P. Well if you read it's okay, as I wanted to share. So if you come on Friday, it would be nice of you. The purpose of that evening is to gather together, to share some photos, to read poetry and hear music. To have a nice time and get to know other people.

However, I'm no robot, I am a human being with feelings and I am honest. If someone doesn't like it, it's their problem, not mine. I'm just honest. No one's inquiring how things are going, no one asks how the preparations are going, as if I'm air??

Others on the other hand a bunch of people are very nice and helping and really trying all to make it all work out. My friends of the English Center are willing to print out the flyer and put it up in their store to hand out. I even saw my other post about my book at their book shop. That's cool :OO =))) Next time I stop by I'll ask them to take a photo of me next to my book :)

Should I translate my poems in German?

Oh this question as been bothering me for a while... You know, this event will take place in Salzburg, in Itzling. I'll recite poetry in English in a German speaking country, so it would be just fine to translate them right? AND of course to explain why I write poetry in English although it's not my mother language. There will be for artists and everyone will share some of his / her "art" on this event. I'll recite for poems and have perhaps 3-4 more also displayed on the wall, framed! :) I want of course, my audience to understand what I'll recite. Though we won't have much time to read out German and English so I'll have to do it in one language. Besides translating the poem, destroys the whole rhythm of the original poem. So translating is not something you can do from one day to the other, or within an our, yes of course you can but the real poem is then someone gone. I don't know. To me it seems a bit strange to read my poems in German as this wasn't the original language I wrote my poems. BUT, I have those 4 translated and will have to figure out how to use them or where or if ...

So pretty much is going on my mind :))

Thanks for reading, I'll get back to you all soon! There's more :O

A poem in memory for all the victims of the HOLOCAUST

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Holocaust Remembrance Day

April 19th, the remembrance day for HOLOCAUST. A friend of mine has lost someone in her family. Her great-grandfather never got to know his dauther. He was killed by the Nazi's.

Here's one of my early poems that I wrote for my friend. It's dedicated to her and her family. I wrote it in 2009. This week is my almost final week of my 3rd year of persistent poetry writing. This year has been by far my worst year of writing. There were lots of breaks in between, many weeks of "no poetry writing", lots of writer's block's... BUT it was also a different experience to me. I wrote about other things, not so much about the sad stuff in life but more about LOVE :)

This photo of the candle I took recently and decided to use it as background for my poem.

I hope you'll enjoy it!


No lost soul will ever be forgotten!!

Thanks for reading!
Sandra aka.

A poetry reading - Elements of Nature

Hello my friends!!

I would like to inform you that I will have the opportunity to recite some of my poems about Nature on this even here. (pictured above). A friend of mine who's a great photographer living in Salzburg, has asked me if I would like to collaborate with him. It will be his first photo vernissage and I will accompany some of his photos with my poems about Nature. The theme is "Elements of Nature".

Here's our link to your event on FACEBOOOK

This will be my third public reciting as I had twice the honor to share my poems with my friends. Once at university for a class where they studied about cochlear implants and once at The English Center, a local book and coffee shop located in Salzburg. On both occasions I recited poetry about my ear but this time, in less than two weeks I will recite about a different topic - NATURE!

I have to admit I am more fond of poetry that deal with challenging things in life but this is new and exciting to me. Thank God I have some poems about Nature that I can share. I usually write about the difficult things in life. I am often inspired by my own perspective of life, by the things I hear or see, by stories that people tell me. It's simple life, everyone's life has a poem inside.

I look forward to this event and with every new possibility I can learn and grow. Every new opportunity is another experience for me.

Thank you for reading!

Tinnitus At Night - POEM

Hello my dear readers all over the word!

I am back with posting. I would like to point out this video here which I made a while ago. It is about my experience with the ear ringing called "tinnitus". Two years ago, and even years before .. this noise was part of my life. It bothered me every day, every night.

Around that time, I had an excessive period of writing. I used every day situations, from myself mostly and wrote poetry about it. This really helped me to stay sane. I knew I had to use my writing to deal with these challenges which I had to face at that time. My hearing loss back in 2010 played an important role.

When I look back, I AM really glad, I was the chosen person to experience all this. It was not easy, yet I am glad about it. It made me stronger and it gave me a purpose in life, to share my experience with the world.

Here's a video, from one of my published poems called "Tinnitus At Night". Here is my book for more information about my whole poetry collection about my journey towards hearing.

I wanted to create a visual video for this poem so this is how the idea for that video above was born. Enjoy it and share with me your thoughts.

Thank you for reading!

Rainbow colors

click to enlarge it

Have you ever tried to make your own color for your fountain pen or to try to make rainbow colors? For this you just need two fountain pens in different colors and mix the tip of each together. It's enough if you just use one tip and touch it with the other fountain pen a few times, then you can write.

I tried it and it makes great colors. If there is a special occasion such invitation cards or birthday cards this would be a good way to use it. Try it out and have fun with it!

Feel free to share or discuss anything you desire with me!

A mixed journal

Hi there,

It's been a busy week, no time for writing blogs.. but I'm here today. After two weeks of journaling with a fountain pen, I made a recap so far... and can tell you that it's been really challenging for me. This is just not the right thing. To write poetry with a fountain pen is fine but journaling, just takes ages.... and I cannot slow down my thoughts so I can keep up with them. That's why I just decided to quit, not entirely but just to go back to my laptop. (I hope that makes sense)

Here's my journal

It's a lot easier this way. I cannot entirely give up to "type". So anyhow, don't want to bore you. I made up my mind and it's FINAL!!! and I am not ashamed to say I still journal!!! Life is too short not to write about meaningful moments good or bad, doesn't matter. You learn from mistakes!

Thanks for reading!
I'll post again some time. Make sure you are subscribed to the email feed to get my posts into your inbox!

old vs. new journal // thick vs. thin paper // rough vs. smooth

It's weekend, a long weekend here in Austria as we have the day off today.. and boredom increases too ... Almost a week ago I was excited to start a new journal. After more then three years of journaling on my laptop, I wanted a change and 2012 represents a major shift, a big change in all aspects so I wanted to start to journal this year with my fountain pen. I bought quite a heavy book without lines. I tend to write on usual notebooks that have smooth paper so I am used to these type of notebooks and my new journal is different... it feels different when I write on it and... I'm picky.. I just don't like it.. and if I don't change it I'll forever complain how I dislike it, so I'm not even so much behind to rewrite the first few entries (which will feel a bit silly) but I have to.. :)

I'm not sure how long this "changed choice" will outlast but I'll see it in the next few decades and regret it later (joke). What do you think is better, smooth paper or rough paper?

Feel free to share or discuss it with me!